"Oh have you been with us that long?" The Nurse said to me when I went in for my routine hormone shot, Monday. It's true, the time is speeding by. It is a stark contrast to the beginning of my journey.
At the start of this I was busy with appointments, surgeries, and needles but everyday dragged on painfully. I would wake up and it would hit me, this wasn't a nightmare, I was living this. I was very frightened about the whole idea of cancer.
Now, I feel so much more confident and more at ease with my diagnosis. I sometimes even forget I have it. Before, It filled my mind constantly. It was all I spoke to people about, especially with my family. I actually wondered what I ever talked about before I had this it became so consuming.
I have now done two chemo treatments. The first one was so scary. Everything was so foreign. I was worried about every ache and pain. A lot of people who have had cancer I am sure can relate to this - the fear of every sensation in the body being another form of cancer or the cancer spreading. Headache = brain tumour, bloating = ovarian cancer, scabby mole = melanoma. I texted my oncologist about so many silly little things during the first treatment, she must of thought I was loopy.
This second time around I felt a lot more comfortable - knowledge is power. I found myself just going with it and not fighting it. Everyday that passes I feel like I am regaining more control of my body. It took me a long time to believe that I was going to live through this. I don't feel scared making future plans anymore and I am excited for my future.
I have read a lot about how decreasing your stress and positive thinking can effect a prognosis greatly. I think everyone deals with their diagnosis very differently, and it also has a lot to do with the severity of their prognosis. Cancer takes you to a very dark place and it truely tests a human's strength. I admire those who fight against the odds and are survivors.
I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, and this has really tested me emotionally, physically and mentally. All I know is once I survive this I have a responsibility to pay-it-forward and give back to the cancer community and live my life to the absolute full.
Before I was diagnosed I also thought a successful life was a long life. I now know that it is quality vs quantity. Their are people who live a very short amount of time and make a huge impact on people and this world. My mother always told me; people don't remember what you wore, what you looked like, what flash car you drove, or what holidays you went on, they remember how you made them feel.
As cheesy as the Supre t-shirts were that I wore as a tween - Live, Laugh, Love, they were right. You get one shot, enjoy it and do your best. The little things don't matter.