Nick will kill me for posting about this but I think it is very important. Let's just say he hasn't seen much action since I was diagnosed. I wanted to talk about this because it is one of those areas which people find embarrassing to speak about, which it definitely can be, but I have no shame as most of you will know.
Cancer is a huge test for a relationship. It can be very stressful, upsetting, challenging, and all consuming. I have found the key to getting through this is open communication with your partner. You don't want them to feel rejected or unwanted during a time like this.
Sex is something that for me, personally, I need to be feeling at the peak of my confidence to enjoy. Being bald, acne ridden, scarred, sore and bloated aren't my chosen ingredients for some hot steamy lovin', could be for some, no judgement here!
Removing the pressure of sex from our relationship during this time has been actually, really liberating. We are focusing on other parts of our relationship and strengthening them. Touch does not have to mean SEX, it can be a simple massage, hand-hold, cuddle or a nice kiss. I think we often brush past these things and say sex is the be all end all, once there is no sex, there is no point. I have come to see this isn't true. Nick and I are closer than ever. Also, Nick has been very stressed through this whole process and it is the farthest thing from his mind too. "I have my whole life to have sex with you, I can do a few months without." Bless him?
The hormone suppressors I am on that have sent me into early menopause, also have lowered my natural libido, so that also has not helped the situation. The doctors have also taken me off my birth control because the estrogen found in birth control medication is actually fuelling my cancer and helping it grow - scary right? It may of stopped a baby growing in me but it was helping to grow something inside me that was trying to kill me! I have actually been thinking what I will do after all this, if I will go back on birth control or look at another option. This is something I will speak to my doctor about when treatment is done.
Something I found so interesting is that during the first few days of chemo you are excreting the toxins, this is through your pee, poo and also sometimes spit. The fluids in your body are all effected by the poison of chemo, which can be threatening to other people who come in contact with it. After chemo I have to flush the toilet twice after using it? Very annoying if you have a toilet that fills up very slowly. I literally have to stand there twiddling my thumbs waiting for the bowl to refill so I can flush again. The best toilets for this are the Event cinema ones in town, they can do two flushes in a row without any pause! Wow, the small victories I celebrate these days are tragic right? Anyways back to how this is relevant to SEX and CHEMO, is because you have to use protection when you have sex on chemo because the vagina can be poisonous to your partner! This is because the fluid from my vagina will be infected with chemo.
Whatever it takes for you to get through this experience as unscathed as possible is the right way for you. Maybe you are a horny little bunny through out the time of chemo or you are like me and just feel like you aren't quite up for it. Whatever the case is, it is all normal. You do you :).
Dani x