It is safe to say my life has completely changed.
Cancer seriously fucks with your social life. I am usually out all the time, too much, my mum would tell me and that I need to "Slow down". I love going out, I have never grown out of this. I'm that cringe 26 year old dancing with all the 19 year olds at Impala. Even after meeting Nick I never slowed down. Nick has been sober now for 6 years, he is not much of a party man. Our deal is if I go out on a night out with the girls I MUST arrive home with a Mc Donalds Sharebox.
I have always lived a very independent existence, even with a boyfriend, I have always had my own friends and done my own thing. I have become very dependent on Nick as of late, which I find frustrating. He has to drive me everywhere, he has to be home early as not leave me alone for too long, and he has to do all the shopping and errands when I am in my low immunity week. I feel like a child sometimes and Nick is my minder. This is only temporary, and we have both agreed to treat ourselves at the end of this to a week away at a retreat.
I have recently become paranoid about what I use on my skin. Parabens, Phenoxyethanol, Aluminium, formaldehyde... the list goes on of chemicals we use day to day that can apparently cause cancer. I am now completely scared of the world, something I am told will wear off in time. After going through my whole house destroying anything seen as a threat I can now breathe easier.
I have harassed my work mate Zahn with photos of labels from products I own (Zahn owns Seed + Soul - check it out, all natural and home skin care products, so dreamy!) as I value her knowledge. In the end I decided to throw out all my skin care and purchase a starter pack from her website. I am very excited for this to arrive as I now have no skin care in sight and I am washing my face with a bar of eco store soap, fab.
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Yesterday was my first day out since chemo. We went on a big walk all around Auckland City. First stop was the vegetarian cafe, Rabbit, recommended by my friend Alice. That was delicious, they had real dark chocolate Mochas and we had this delicious strawberry cream cake - Nick doesn't like strawberries, so guess who ate most of it?
We then walked all the way down to the viaduct. I dragged Nick into every shop along the way, he is so patient and pavement benches are his sanctuary. Once at the viaduct we went to Dr Rudis where we had chips and Kombucha - since I have gone T-Total at the moment Kombucha is a great option.
We were a wee bit tired by this point so we got Barney, a lovely Uber driver, to take us up to Ponsonby. I skilfully got him to drop us outside my favourite run of shops, much to Nicks upset. Onto K Road we went to Door Nuts, where we ordered two lovely donuts and woofed those down fast.
My mum recently bought me a humidifier. Its just brilliant. You can put essential oils in it so the whole room fills up with this wonderful smell, like a flower oasis with a trickling rainbow light waterfall in the corner of it. We decided to head to Third Eye to add to our essential oils collection - I have never been in this shop - until I got cancer I really thought all of this stuff essential oil stuff was toss, it's amazing what you turn too in times of need. Nick and I picked out an anti anxiety essential oil and matching gold rings. Super cheesy I know, but there is something nice about wearing a cliche piece of identical jewellery with the one you love.
I try to have a nice day like this as often as possible with the people I love. I think you need to have plans, they are important and keep you focused, but sometimes try and sit back and enjoy the day your in. Forget yesterday and tomorrow and just breathe.